Being in the Pause

I sit and listen to the silence.

It speaks volumes. This is The Pause. That place between.

Where the lessons are explained. Where the growth occurs. Where I now take the time to care for me in a way I never have. Where I listen to my body and what she is asking for.

Is it a walk, a nap, a bowl of popcorn, to cry, a call to a friend to ask for comfort? What do I need?

Today I honor the requests. What would I have done before? How much have I already grown and what is this Pause teaching me? I surrender to love. To the love of myself. I nurture me much differently than in days past. I am compassionate where I was once self-loathing, shaming and made myself wrong for feeling and for dreaming.

Today I let all the feels wash over me. They come in waves. Sadness, relief, anger, joy. It’s amazing what I am capable of feeling in a matter of seconds, minutes, hours. When I sit and listen and don’t avoid or numb.

There is a feeling of comfort here, in this Pause, because this time I am not alone. I am here for myself in a way I never have been. I show up for me. I do not abandon me. I honor me. I hold me. I love me. I respect me.

And I hold space for and honor The Pause, as well.

For here is where I discover my greatest strengths and unwrap the gifts that the experience that brought me to this moment is offering. Here is where I strengthen my love affair with myself. Here is where I shine just a little brighter. I will remain in The Pause until I am ready. I am not afraid of it anymore. I welcome it and thank it for its presence and the presents it will bring.

Aho! 💖

~Tamar Olivia

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